Greetings from the month of August, Hope you are being strengthened in Love.
Today, I had the honor of lying in bed and reflecting. Now I don't get to do this every day and on some occasions I start and end up not knowing where I started from. Perhaps what was different this time was that I had a definite purpose for the reflection. I wanted to know how I had (have) ended up as I have: a "loving" christian who has closed himself up to some things and some people.
I am sure your alarm bells are already going off, you probably feel that guilt and conscience were attacking me. Perhaps that may have been the case, nonetheless, I am grateful I had this quiet time.
I began my reflection by identifying those events in my life when and where I was certain I was at the right place at the right time meeting the right people. I could identify 5 occasions. Wow- I was blown away! Then I began to wander off the "well had this not happened and had that not happened perhaps this relationship would have been better" way and the typical "sometimes I wish I had never met you yet I am certain I was meant to meet you", followed by the routine: "oh why did I meet you, some times it feels like I messed your life up"; obviously this one had to come up "who's life also have I messed up? Had they not met me maybe they would be doing better". Then the one that apparently seals the deal "shoot me!Shoot me!".
Before spiraling further into a desolate state I decided to return to the main question I had asked myself: how did I get here? How did I get so hurt? How did I end up believing that closing my heart in and shutting off my feelings was a long-term solution?
By the way I didn't just get my heart broken, so to answer your question: No I do not have a box of tissues or a tub of ice-cream next to me( although I would like to, the ice-cream part that is LOL)Often we are told that mistakes are "okay" and that they are part of growth. I am not refuting that. I just realized, however, that sometimes the best growth plan includes listening. Just listening! I was surprised to just think about all the mistakes I would have avoided had I listened to the Holy Spirit and not reacted emotionally and out of excitement. When it dawned on me that when we are continually aware of what He is saying we can never set a foot wrong.
Yeah, mistakes lead to growth but at what cost? Mistakes have a cost nonetheless! A broken heart, a lost soul which could have been saved ... and so much more. Maybe this is the right time for me to openly refute growth through mistakes. I believe from today that growth routes from the Word of God, as we relate to Him and we pay attention to Him and walk with Him. There's no way we can walk in distraction or destruction. Jesus said: He shall remind you of all my teachings. Paul said " I commend you to the Word of God Who is able to build you up ..."
Just a final thought: It turns out that when Jesus spoke of the Holy Spirit He kept referring to Him as being One of the same kind as Him (Jesus). So the Holy Spirit is to us what Jesus was to the disciples. Hallelujah!
** Pictures courtesy of Luke Akal
