A fell again.
It's true I carry my heart on my sleeve. Repeatedly I have said: in this world he who loves looks weak. I guess I always look and feel weak in these things, cause goodness I keep caring. The lover always seems vulnerable, and the loved- a man of great strength. It's so funny, I have always sought to be " the loved " but very often I have found myself deeply entrenched in the shoes of " the lover ". I wonder, is it destiny or a path of my own creation?
Yup, you guessed it ; there is someone. You know when you don't know what you want from them yet you still wanna be with them,in their company kinda vibes? That's how I feel! But then again I've felt this way before. There was a time I tried to get myself to stop caring but even that fails me.
The silence is the most painful. I wanna have conversations, night long conversations. I wanna play pool, and go on a drive. But silence is all I have.
It's always interesting to me that initially people try to woo you, make promises and stuff then suddenly change their tune. I'm left wondering .... Even wondering about myself.
I brought this one on myself anyway. This pain I caused myself. I broke your heart first. I understand that in your world you don't forgive easily but simply block people out , write them off. Perhaps this is the reason it hurts more, because in my world we forgive freely; believing that it is the greatest gift one could give themself. So my expectations and hopes were never met when you shut me out.
Yet I love you the same.
It was never about how you look
You've had better days, but even with your lumps, bumps and speed humps I still love you.
It was always about your personality, your drive, gosh you're sexy!
And your laughter
And your language expressions
Haha
The " yaga " s and " wa bona "s
It was all about that.
The conversations we had
And how they made me feel.
I may never have fully explored my feelings for you but I'm confident I felt stuff for you.
I may not be sure what I wanted with you
But I'm sure I wanted you in my life
Even just as a friend.
When I look in the direction of your home
My heart breaks at the thought of what we have lost.
In this short time I've seen your heart
You are so kind
And you give.
But you are also scared.
You hide it all too well,
With the laughter and seemingly 'bold' statements that are very clearly dressed up in fear.
You run to protect your heart.
Just like me 2 years ago.
Afraid to be hurt, refusing to love freely.
You are still amazing.
It's true that I carry my heart on my sleeve.
You and many others have taught me the greatest love lesson.
That he who loves is the greatest
'Cause love goes hand in hand with maturity.
So no, I will not delete your number
Or block you off Facebook.
I love you the same.
Love is great strength.
