The 3 - family picture

So I want three
A little boy
A little girl
And another little boy

I want a little boy first because I want him to be protective over his sister
His name will be Ryan
Ryan Micheal
Direct translation is: Ryan (Little King), Micheal (Who is like our God)
For me Ryan will  be like a gift from God,
Coming in at the right time when I am ready to settle down and he brings calm to a busy lifestyle and just wants to be loved.
I love loving. I love having the free space to love and just love without shame. Without absence.
I have been in a couple of relationships where I always felt that I could not love freely,
I was not allowed to care too much.
Or to care at all. It was regarded as too emotional and "not so strong for a man". And Ryan comes at the perfect time where there is a deep yearning in me to love someone fully and just let them be the focus of my love.
Ryan grows up to have a beautiful personality and a big heart. He is God's promise, so it is very evident - the footprints and marks of God's presence in his life. Being the first, Ryan brings with  him, beautiful  life lessons about authentic love, patience, sacrifice and joy. When he is 5 or 6, Ryan will  start suggesting that he would like to have a sibling - a little sister to watch on over. He is of the opinion that he is grown and that he is the second man of the house. It is beautiful  to watch.

My daughter, Zoe, pronounced "Dzoay" is named after a Greek word that translated to "life", but not life as we know it, but eternal life, the God kind of life. God's own life. And it is apparent from the onset that Zoe is a remarkable little girl. She is beautiful and resilient. Bringing life to every situation. Ryan is completely smitten by  his little sister. Zoe's second name is Lerato, which directly translates "Love" from Sotho and Tswana. Life and Love are apparent in Zoe's life.


Xabiso is my third and last born. My beautiful boy. He is born when his siblings are much older. Ryan in  his early twenties and Zoe her early teens. Xabiso also comes in at the right season, when my children are growing into adults and are their journeys are taken them in various directions. His arrival and presence throughout is the glue that brings us back to our values - the value of love and family. He reminds us of the great love we share, the power of God and how incredibly blessed we are to be a family. His siblings are extremely protective of him, and they look after him.

I envision a life of love, abundant love. Filled with family (these immediate 3) and my own family (my siblings, mother, aunties and their families, and koko), and friends - seasoned, smart friends that love Jesus - care for the world and want to make a difference. I envision a life of extreme wealth, no limitations, where I can help whenever, where ever in the world. My life will be impactful  in society, and I have  worked to rebuild our nation. My heart is pure and the peace of God in Christ reigns over me. I am content. I am happy. I am living the life I have always dreamed of. I get to travel very often, and to interact with people. I get to share Christ and pray for the nations. I get to teach and talk to young people. I get to do research. I get to cook, and be very good at it.

Go back in time - A letter of love to myself

Go back in time
Look there again and again
See yourself
Notice the beauty you are, there.
Your crooked teeth
Beautiful smile
Almost full brows
That nose that consumes all the air
And the pimple laying there on it

Look there again,
See your size
Love
32.
34.
It don't matter
Love it.

Hear the beauty  of your brain
The life in your words
The faith in your eyes
The trust in your heart
See thine feet and how rooted they are
Witness the depth of the love despite the waves

Society's culture is for us not to appreciate who we are right there in the moment
We are always looking to be better and more beautiful
Often to our detriment
So look back,
Look again,
And consider the beauty of your old days
You were beautiful
All  along
And you missed it

Now come here my child
Come closer
Here, to  today.
See yourself
As you are.
Look deep in your lovely brown eyes
Noticed the knot on your one ear
And the beautiful wrinkles when you light up the room with your smile
Come here.
See yourself
Love yourself

Ever noticed HOW

I am at home in myself
And dance freely in your presence?
Your love is a tune that brings me beautiful comfort
I am tender
My hardness stilled
I am a child
Worries quenched
I see the oceans
No limits
Possibilities

Ever notice how much I am in love with you?
Man, I am in love with you!
Yes I falter
Am I not to learn strength?
Yes I waver
Are you not my strength?

I am learning
When he said " You are my rod and my staff"
I am learning to hold on
Hang on
Grab on
To you
Even to my old age
For great are the things You have done
And great are the things You continue to do
You plant a seed in man's heart
A dream much greater than their place of birth
Or all that they have grown to know.

Writing again

I wanna write again,
I am writing again,

I wanna write about how I have not been able to face myself in front of the mirror,
Or swallow the extent of my disobedience of late
I wanna write about my relationship  with food and my regular need for air
I write about the lonely walks and the many thoughts that overwhelm me sometimes

I wanna write about leading the inner circle and moments later finding myself on the outskirts
I wanna write about love and my wars with myself
But mostly about love
I wanna write about my multi-faceted personality that takes me from extrovert to  introvert at the snap of a finger
I write about being misunderstood, understanding and shielding myself in

I wanna write about my momentary, interluding crushes on Kindness
I write about how kindness is simply the saxiest and most attractive trait
I wanna write about how the noise in the world makes me feel,
And the days when I wanna escape and shut it all  down.

I write about my greatest Love story
One I don't always understand
One that gives me small  chest-pains
Yet One that I still trust
Because He makes me write about purpose

I wanna write again
I am writing again

What it takes

It takes courage to love
It takes courage to be kind