Kindness,' kno who u are
Kindness, it's who u are
' kno I make changes to your dial name on a reg,
Yeah u put up
Often need'a remind myself that u are not mine
Still yeah u remain
So I found a name for ya
Kindness;
Thank u for the dinners
The morning chats
Thoughtful apologies
The book & the business card
Your eagerness for adventure
For showing
Your:
Brown eyes
Beard game (so sax)
Light skin
Patience so clear
Your name is kindness
Ours is a world where everyone wants to enjoy being special to someone, but rarely does anyone ever aspire to make someone else feel special to them.
I hope I am to my friends, the hope and beauty and love, they are to me. I hope they each, indiviually feel unique & special to me.
Ever felt shame cover your spirit & heart?
Shame so thick, you could cut through it
Shame & pain
The pain of adding salt & lemon to an open wound
Yet you were in love?
It's not quite anxiety or fear
But shame
Shame of loving & the risk of not being loved back
The shame of loving just a bit more
Embarrassed by how much you care
And how much they come to mind
And how much you talk about them
Shame
So ashamed
Last night my emotions were all over the place, and it took a drive through McDs for a McFlurry to make it all better. It was THIS kind gesture by a stranger, now friend, that brought me back up. He drove out of his way, gave ear. Out of his mouth flowed honest timely wisdom & love truths. " Nothing beats communication ",he said.
When you find love, whichever type,
When you do eventually find love
Cause he walks into our lives in varying ways.
Man, grab it by all of you, love it, nurture it and enjoy it. And never let it go. 'Cause it is this love, whichever type, that will go out of his way, get you ice cream, listen. And by just being there, give you.
Thabo, friend. I celebrate you. Thank you.
We chase shadows
Missing the real thing that's here in our present hour
Why is it that we miss the people that really care and chase after those who couldn't be bothered?
Is it human nature?
Complete foolishness I'll say
Gotta stop waiting for other people to show me
I deserve it
I can give it
I'm worth it
I am love
There have been times when I wished and wanted to be someone else.
Be other people.
They seem to have it good.
But I'm okay being me.
This thing, life, you grab by the horns and make your own.
Here's to making myself proud!
You are everything and more
My confidante and best friend
My left and right
The one who completes my songs & sings them along as their own, too
My calm place and home of restful adventure
My partner in the dance of life
My co-host
The secret ingredient to the stew of my life
My lover and sometimes, only sometimes, reason for my frustration
The one who tickles me with word and deed
My fan
My team
A beautifully themed background song to my life
My Neo
You are everything and more.
I love you. I appreciate you. I celebrate you. Thank you for the gift of friendship.
My hope is that I may be as much to you as you are to me
<3
If there's anything you should know about me; it's that I love letters and long, very long catch up emails. It's weird I know, but I derive so much pleasure from reading. I've always imagined myself having a friend (or lover - whatever tickles your fancy) from the far far away lands, and reading from them whilst listening to the beat of the rain and enjoying a pot of tea. So you can imagine my eager excitement when I received a pseudo-mail, okay- it wasn't in the exact conditions as my preferences above. It was a long Whatsapp text from my varsity 'lover', friend of note, Nambian - Nubian Queen: Monica. In my view, this message is the equivalent of a perfect mail worth framing. I resonated so much with her experiences.
Here it goes:
" Greetings my dear friend in distant lands. I hope you are well. I'm good. Trying to find balance. Having recently started working and getting my share of "big money", I'm learning how to balance between spending and saving. Sometimes I tell myself that 4 all the 8-5 I need a reward n I do some reckless spending all in the name of "because I can". There r times when I decide to just save up for some big dream (aka renovate or rather rebuild my grandparents house). I'm learning when to voice my thoughts at work n when the things that go on in my head should remain just that, thoughts. Most people say I come of as rude I'm learning when to not mince my words n when to be a straight shooter😁. I'm learning patience, baby steps. I wanted big money big house big car in the now. Quickly learning that apart from the fact that things don't happen as fast as we want them to, I should stay in my lane n stick to what I can afford. Friend, dreams delayed are not dreams denied aka Leonardo 😂. Love, I'm learning is complicated. I'm always thinking of one thing, how do I know this is right? I try to not think about love, maybe that way I won't be struck by arrows. I'm furnishing my little place, it's taking long, snail pace but I'm sure it will look pretty when I'm done with it. I miss you. I hope you being ur bubbly self. N like me, you learning 🙂🙃🙂"
We keep going around in circles until WE choose to learn and move forth. Life is a celebration.
I hate packing - okay I haven't even started yet. This time of the year really saddens me, you know, just how my whole life can fit in a box :(. This year is particularly strange, school's officially out - atleast for a while.
I'm saying goodbye to familiar faces, the Monikas, Sydneys, Katlegos and the very many I've come to love deeply. At the moment there's no definite idea of where I'll be in 2016, but I'm trusting God.
You know how emo I am. I can hear the silence. I see the people leaving, and even though I never knew many personally, I do note their departure. I had so gotten used to their familiar stranger faces that the idea of not seeing them anymore seems kinda sad.. I wish them well. We were a community of strangers, us. Strangers going about their business.
I am a memory and scent person. I hold on to the feelings and scent associated with a memory, and seeing these, my fellow strangers, going, arouses memories about our short times together, and how in some strange way, they contributed to my experience.
I bid them well.
I remember the dawn of his death.
The night before we lay restless in bed as though knowing in our inner being that the day's visit had been our last.
On that day when we visited he was a different man, having suddenly grown old in a few days. As though knowing that he stood at death's door, he could not face us his loved ones. And so he went outside his ward, sneakily smoking his last with the friends that had come with.
With a mother's intuition, perhaps a lover's, my mother knew something wasn't right. He just wasn't himself.
So that dawn as we lay restless, I heard the phone ring. I knew. Then I heard her go outside. She was gone for a while. I'm sure she went to cry. I admire her for not breaking down in front of us, it would have caused us more pain.
And so I watched as her smile faded with time, and her laughter with the sunsets. And I prayed that she'd be healed and find her joy again.
