Update: Winter Break

Okay, I intend on making this a short post 'cause I've been up since around 1h30ish and it is now just after 5am and I have to be ' up ' at 6h30.

It has been an interesting couple of days. The 'winter break' is still on.
Day 1 of the 'retreat' was so challenging. I made a few mistakes. I suppose the greatest challenge for me was the dealing with and accepting the sudden silence of the world. The sudden absence of a traffic of Whatsapp  messages streaming in, and 'mourning the loss' of not being able to view and like other people's posts on Facebook; atleast for the time being. For a moment it did feel lonely. I was even drawn back to thinking about ... well I had still been thinking about the whole experience and where we ... I am.

I haven't started working out yet though I have started the diet again. Last night I had my first 'vegetarian supper' evening. I had been planning to have one since early March, but for some odd reason I had always been craving meat, good meat. So I managed to convince myself that I had to have a lot of meat. Perhaps the whole point is not giving your body  what it wants. Maybe it is about giving it what it needs. And I suppose that is what I am learning. Having that degree of self-control and dominance over your body. It starts out, as Joyce Meyer would say, with teaching yourself not to have that extra-chocolate cookie when you know very well that you are full. Surprisingly, I really enjoy the vegetarian meal. I made a nice Indian-inspired spicy vegetable and bean soup. I hope I didn't enjoy it solely on account of the winter.

An original by LoveShowers

Actually, the reason I am writing is 'cause I wanted to share some thoughts from my campus trip this morning. I was inspired. I realised today that I am well taken care of. That I do not need to carry any care in the world. You  know the Bible says God has said He knows the plans He has for us. Plans to prosper us and not to harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future. If you read this verse in Jeremiah in another bible version your will discover that God said that He knew what He was doing. Wow! That is beautiful. To know that He knows what He is up to. Consider this together with the fact that He has said that He causes ALL things , that is everything, to work together for the good of all those who love Him and are called according to His will and purpose. I now understand (to some degree) what people mean when they say " I am a love child of a love God". I am so grateful. There's so much to be grateful for. So many many reasons to say " Thank You".

Today in the bus on my way to campus I realised that we all have an individual journey, our own way, our own path. Carved by God, in  love for us. For each one of us, individually. It says that He planned in love for us. I realised that there's no reason to for me to compare myself and my journey with that of another. Our journeys are not the same. That sometimes you need to extend the duration of your degree so that the right and perfect post-graduate programme and funding specifically (and personally) for you can be designed. Just for you. And that, though you started out with many, it is okay when you each take a different path 'cause the journeys are all different. So the issue is holding on  to God and fixing your eyes on the big prize, that is- being all that He has planned for you to be.

Finally I realised what God was saying when He inspired me to say " God will give you a dream much bigger than your place of birth ."

Yours in growing awareness
Thabang

" The plan ", My vision for life, " The God plan "

                So I'm on what I call the 'winter break'. Don't ask! Me and my craze ideas again.

The rainy winter season setting in, Cape Town ( 17 May 2014), an original by Thabang Molapo

 Growing up, I would always have these craze 'retreat' programmes, the ' 12 days of cleansing ' programme,where I would abstain from doing certain 'things' I would rather not disclose on here. The 'week of gratitude' programme, when I would spend a whole week every month pondering on the things I was grateful for, and attempting to avoid complaining. Needless to say that the worst and most infuriating events would creep in during that week. The devil is a liar! Many more programmes came and went and so I became more aware of myself.

I am grateful for all these experiences.

 If there's one thing I do not regret, it would have to be learning to take some time out to myself, just to think. It was during those quiet moments that I discovered my values. I recall going on ice-cream dates with myself at Kfc in Claremont during my first year, during which I would always have to pretend to be busy on my phone whilst in reality I was deep in thought. I figured that this strategy would make me seem 'normal' lest I be accused of talking to myself and being a little 'cray-cray'. How things have changed. Back then I used to eat ice-cream. With every date I discovered myself a little more, my vision for life becoming even clearer. I swear I could touch it at some point. It had become my reality.
I can't say what happened. That doesn't even matter. All that matters is that I am taking the time out to bring myself back to that state of mind, and even further.

After moping around the whole day (today) and watching sad movies in the dark just to make myself feel even worse in my state of self-pity, I decided to get up and clean my room. No, literally! Whenever my room is a mess, I feel like everything else around is a mess. So I got up and cleaned all around. It was during this time that I realised that in the midst of 'everything ' that was happening, I lost sight of  my vision for life. I forgot why I came here in the first place. I had forgotten all my values and the things once so dear to me.I realised that maybe everything else was falling apart because ... maybe like I said in 09 during my presidential election speech: " those who stand for nothing fall for anything ", and perhaps I, now, suddenly stood for nothing.

Over the past few weeks I have been asking myself some tough questions like, do I still believe the same? Do I have values? If I do, why do I continuously act the way I do? After all, as Jim Rohn says, " values have a cost ". Notice that in the paragraph above I highlighted I and me, this is because I believe that it is my fault that I am in the state I am in today. It is the decisions that I made that brought me here, the words that I spoke, all  mine. I had the responsibility to watch over my heart and mind, over my friendships and over my actions. It was all me.

Only God is responsible for me, even then- His responsibility is limited to to how much of Him I am willing to embrace. So He holds me responsible for my joy and success because He has made available to me everything good thing I could ever need to live a glorious life through the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. But, His responsibility is only limited to how much of Him I am willing to embrace. So then, it follows that it is my responsibility to embrace Him.

I have decided to work on a 5 year plan. I am trying to keep it simple and specific. Tonight I managed to work of my year 1 plan, which is 2014:

I call 2014 my year of graduation. This of course coincides with my graduation from my undergraduate degree programme which is taking place at the end of the year. But I also believe that this is the year in which I will graduate from childish things to a state of maturity in all parts of my life. Even more so in  my spiritual and social life.
The focus for the year is self development in every respect:

Spiritually: 
Goals include: Living fully for God and truthfully before Him.Contentment, peace and quietness, living in and for love
HOW? Church, fellowship with the brethren, personal fellowship and knowing the Word for myself.

Socially: 
Goals include: Building good and healthy relationships. Firstly with  myself, then with others. Working a bit more on the 'outer man' as well (looking&smelling good)
Getting my licence at end of October 2014
HOW? Taking responsibility for my feelings and acknowledging that the power is in my hands
Rewriting my learners and getting contacts from Phindi about the driving instructor before 15 June 2014 ( setting a reminder on my phone for 11 June 2014)

Commercially:
Goals include: Tithing consistently, saving and giving freely. Valuing time and investing in projects I believe in. Adding value to myself and developing into a rare commodity for any business (organisation).
HOW? Exploiting every opportunity for a scholarship, internship or work experience programme. Applying even when I am not eligible.
Reading and fostering a culture of reading. Taking time to be informed about the world and commerce, this will  include reading 2 business news articles per day.
Managing my time well and continuously finding ways of studying and  working better. Using up every opportunity at work to acquire more skills.
Applying to be sub-warden next year and being ready for the interviews

Health:
Goals include: Taking care of my 'earthly home'. Drinking lots of water, getting enough rest, eating well ( keeping to my diet and meal plans), working out
HOW? Blood-type based diet has proven to have great results to date, being consistent in it and not succumbing to pressures from friends. Drinking lots of water, working out 5 times a week (with Tuesdays being my kickboxing days). Consistency!!!

Academically:
Goals include: Graduating in 2014, being eligible for honours in 2015 and getting funding for 2015
HOW?
Putting in the work. Learning as opposed to cramming. Using up the resources, lecture videos, consultations, study groups. Be more than a A+ student, combine theory with reality. Do seen tuts, read!!!!!

This is my action plan. I intend to review my success weekly and to update my goals regularly. In my efforts to be more accountable to myself, I will  blog about my progress weekly. I know it will not be easy,but it is more important to me that I attempt to cultivate these good habits than fearing to fail. So I will give it a try.

I had an epiphany during the week, I have had the prestigious honour of tutoring Accounting 1 with the College of Accounting at UCT for my second year now ( how I got the post is another testimony), and I am so excited to find that I am still learning whilst teaching. Comparing how I taught some of the course content last year with this year helped me see that indeed " when we know better, we do better ". So we learn that we may move forward. I guess this is to say that we should not regret any experience we have ever had, despite the pain. With some situations you might just be learning how to smell even better.

This 'winter break' is the equivalent of a social media 'sabbatical'. I'm taking a bit of time off Facebook and Whatsapp to focus on other things and other parts of my life. I would like to take more photos and read a bit more. I would like to have more friendly face to face conversations. To write my exams without distractions. I would like to enjoy my pots, to cook warm meals and welcome people into my home. I wanna take a little time to add more value to myself and in order to do this I'll require a bit of a break from the traffic of social media. I am hoping to be back for the spring, but for the moment, this seems perfect. 

I am grateful for these quiet moments. This is my only opportunity to ask myself if I am being truthful and true to what I believe. This is the time I use up to question my motives. This is the time that keeps me.

I hope reading this has helped you as much as the writing brought healing to me.

Yours in making progress
Yours in love more
Thabang

That thing you do with your forehead :-)

There were days when I would ask myself, what if lines were cut off today?
What if Facebook wasn't working, Whatsapp. What if there was a whole internet shutdown?
What if cellphones weren't working anymore?
I thought to myself, how would I find you? I've never even been to your house.
I pictured myself roaming the streets of Khayelitsha
Seeking you
Hoping to run into someone who might know where you reside.
Ironic isn't it?
Very!
Here I am.
Totally cut off from you.
Cut off from 'us'
From each other
Though phones are working, the Internet is fine.

I miss the giggles,
your eyes.
The tickles. The childishness. The quietness.

I saw your post the other day, you said:
" someone please buy me wine gums "
And your friends said you were acting 'child-like',
You said: " I feel like saying 'thank you' "
I thought that was beautiful.
I could have bought you a pack.

I'm totally in love with you

Guy who puts up with  my craze diet,
my craze life
with or without dimples
you made me love you.
Umuhle saan!

I miss everything
even that thing you do with your forehead
I miss you
:-)