Some Whitney reality

About 3 days ago I had my birthday, and for the first time in my life I had an exam on the same day. When I became aware of this a couple of months ago, I completely 'crossed' it out of my mind. I mean what was I to do? My exam schedule was as follows:  Monday 9 June at 17h00, and Tuesday 10 June also at 17h00. Last thing I wanted to think about was a birthday. Although, I have never cared much about having a big do on my birthday. As you already know I like keeping things simple, I am not ready for the 'speech-speech' spotlight pressures. So I prefer staying indoors, the winter weather in Cape Town is perfect, perhaps get a few snacks, turn my phone off and contemplate on life. Might even fit in a movie in between. Ag, you know I've always had this weird dream of me and 'the one' snuggling up to a movie on the couch with some hot-chocolate (under perfect Cape Town winter weather conditions). Needless to say, I hate hot chocolate, and chocolate (sometimes). I am a seasonal chocolate-eater. But what can I say? That is the bit that America has fed us, we all wanna be 'in the movies'. Being our very own Julia Roberts.That dream seems like the perfect sight.  Speaking of Julia Roberts, I was recently induced to watch a clip of the  'say a little prayer for you ' scene from her 1998/1999 box-office hit: My  bestfriend's wedding. This scene felt fitting considering all the crazy ideas that people have been feeding me about one of my good friends. I don't even wanna go into details.

#ThrowBack2011

Something really special happened on this birthday. I can't say what it is, but I know what it feels like; growth. Maturity. I felt it come upon me. This sudden consciousness that I am now 22. For most of this year I kept insisting that I was turning 18, but when that day came I couldn't care less about being 18. I loved being 22. I appreciated being 22. I noted the beauty of growth, an opportunity to measure myself up against who I want to be. I received amazing messages and calls, but a couple things stood out for me on this particular day; I received an sms from one of my good friends and she said " Thabang, may God grant you the grace to achieve things that according to the world, people your age cant achieve.". That is powerful right thurr! And then I learned something about love, again. I laugh at myself every time these 'love lessons'  happen. So I, for some odd reason, decided to browse through X's instagram 'cause it had been a while.  And it appears it was his friend's birthday over the weekend, and they went out. He looked great! Dressed in black and all, looking so good. Uhm he cut his hair. I care so much about the hair situation 'cause that is one of the things we spoke about, it's my favourite look of him. But when we met he was doing the whole afro-hair thing. For a moment I felt a little sad, then mad. I thought to myself: how can he look so good? How can he look so happy? How come he's moved on? I really felt this jealousy come over me, oh but my Whitney- my good old Whitney hit me. I was reminded of one of the self-consolation songs I sang to myself a while back after the break up, the particular line that says: " I hope life treats you kind, and I hope... you have all you dreamed of. And I wish you joy ... and happiness. But above all these, I wish you love ... ". And that was the crux of the lesson for me. I had no reason to be mad anymore, 'cause indeed that song summed up my feelings about him. Another friend recently told me that I bring all these 'guys' to the altar (closer to God). Looking back, I think I actually do. We laughed about it. Although a seemingly beautiful thing, I'm just not sure that's how I want people to end up knowing God.

The highlight of my birthday was what happened later that evening. After I had done something special for him, one of the guys who stays on the streets of Mowbray looked me in the eyes and said "God bless you brother". And I heard God. There was that genuine beauty in his voice. That blessing was calm and reassuring. I knew right there and then that I had been blessed indeed.

The judgement of love is not on one action but rather on a series of actions. Love is consistent.

Here's to a year of growing in love

T