Things fall apart

Why are you falling apart?
I've fallen apart like this before at the face of rejection
Not like this!
I waited! I waited okay! You went on. Moving on with out me. Still I waited. You know I feel like a fool! How could I think you'd wait like I did for you? Over-loving again!
Love is strength.
Love is weakness
No
Yes! You are weak for someone. You always care. You wanna be there. Your heart is confused. It hurts cause of the void of not being able to love freely, and to see you receive that love. Nothing more than bondage. It hurts so bad.
I'm sorry.
How do I cope? How do I go on when it hurts so bad? Time has come and time has gone, How does it hurt so bad? Why does it feel like death? All of a sudden I miss the ones I've lost to eternity and it feels the same with you. I don't want you dead. Don't leave me here like a widow.
I know
It scares me to watch it all fall apart. Things fall apart. I ask myself if I'm obsessed and desperate. I know I'm not crazy. The words you spoke to me pierced. They still haunt me! Now I need to carry a gun in my heart to defend it. And I blame you! And I blame me for being a fool. I know I should have taken a gun for my heart the first time.
I'm sorry.
I let me down.
I'm sorry
Help me understand please
What?
How do you carry me in your spirit and just go on without me?
.....
How do you give to another what you gave to me?
......
How do I go on when you still have my heart?
....
Tell me