I'm going through the motions
I can miss a moment
A few years ago I had an encounter
I was sleeping
It's a little crazy
But I suddenly woke up and immediately realized that I was alive
Me
In a world
Alive
And yes, for a brief moment I was convinced that I was part of a bigger plan
About me
That the world was conspiring
And that in fact, everyone knew God
And had seen Him
And were working with Him
That I was the only one in the world
That they were all in secret with Him
That this was all about me, journeying in to Him
Yes it's a little crazy
But that's me
Back to today.
I wanna be conscious
Present
I wanna see myself as I did on that day
There's something baffling about life
When you are young you think you've figured it out
Okay, let me say young- er
I guess at that age we are just so excited
Nothing has tainted us yet
Then we experience the hurt and the pain
Then suddenly, we become the people we never thought we would be
I think I finally understand why people are how they are
How they seem to be in a rut race
Life happened
Life happens
Suddenly you wake up and you have nothing to look forward to anymore
The flavor of your life is gone
You find yourself in places you detested
Wanting to defile yourself with the things you swore you'd never do
Maybe we need honest conversations
Maybe we need to write out a map
From who we were
Once
To who we are now
Then study it
See what went wrong
Or who.
Then forgive them
And ourselves
And heal.
I am not writing this piece because two of my good friends moved cities this weekend
I am not writing this piece because I am mourning a loss of their presence
I am not writing this piece because tears have welled up
I am writing this piece because I long to return to myself
And I don't know how
I am writing this piece because I want to return to who I was before the world happened to me
This is my piece on the rut.
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