Save the hero

Validation.

Human beings, we all need validation.
To us all it comes in varying ways. To some it is in getting perpetual affirmation, to others in material things. For me I guess its always been in  be able to confidently rest in the security of love. To know that I know that I know that I'm loved. The depths of love that casts away fear.

I spent the last 3 hours with some of my favorite people in the world. We have grown so different in the past 2 and a half years, their personalities more alike, their aspirations too I assume.

I have always been the 'motherly' 'place of return in times of trouble' one and them, careless (in the best of ways) and carefree. I admire them. And I love them deeply. Times with them always make me feel like a 'hip and happening' parent trying to keep up with their teenage kids.

The last 3 hours have persuaded me to consider whether I'm enjoying life, or if I'm watching it go by, missing out without any form of risk taking. This brings me back to the issue of yesterday's post: deciding on my person that I want to be. Do I want to be free spirited, grabbing life by its horns, or do I want to be who I think I need to be (is this person even really me?)?. Whoever I choose, I will have to live with and live out - consistently.

Frustration.

Varisty has been the most strenuous time of my life. I miss being 17 and thinking that I know who I am and what I want. Being 22- knowing what you want today and changing your mind tomorrow.

I think suicide is cowardice. In my opinion it is not having the strength to decide what you want and being it. Instead it is deciding to pull the plug on life or choose the "GAME OVER" option. I'm not thinking about it. There were days when I could completely relate to why anyone would decide to do it. Sometimes I'm convicted about its selfishness. Other times I think perhaps the pain one has borne supersedes (in their mind) the pain they think others will have to deal with in their absence.

I do not think the world realizes what young people go through. Choosing between what you see and deal with every day versus what you think is right vs what you want for yourself vs your faith. It is a lot to consider. I admire the people that have chosen to be whatever they are, least for them a choice has been made, whatever the consequences. Nothing more frustrating than a double-minded man. Nothing more frustrating than feeling lukewarm.

God help me.