Things fall apart

Why are you falling apart?
I've fallen apart like this before at the face of rejection
Not like this!
I waited! I waited okay! You went on. Moving on with out me. Still I waited. You know I feel like a fool! How could I think you'd wait like I did for you? Over-loving again!
Love is strength.
Love is weakness
No
Yes! You are weak for someone. You always care. You wanna be there. Your heart is confused. It hurts cause of the void of not being able to love freely, and to see you receive that love. Nothing more than bondage. It hurts so bad.
I'm sorry.
How do I cope? How do I go on when it hurts so bad? Time has come and time has gone, How does it hurt so bad? Why does it feel like death? All of a sudden I miss the ones I've lost to eternity and it feels the same with you. I don't want you dead. Don't leave me here like a widow.
I know
It scares me to watch it all fall apart. Things fall apart. I ask myself if I'm obsessed and desperate. I know I'm not crazy. The words you spoke to me pierced. They still haunt me! Now I need to carry a gun in my heart to defend it. And I blame you! And I blame me for being a fool. I know I should have taken a gun for my heart the first time.
I'm sorry.
I let me down.
I'm sorry
Help me understand please
What?
How do you carry me in your spirit and just go on without me?
.....
How do you give to another what you gave to me?
......
How do I go on when you still have my heart?
....
Tell me

Ghosts

I'm not gonna be a ghost for you to compete with.

You deserve to be happy in peace.

And I'm not selfish

Hearts carry guns: sore bones and liberating letters to 3

I don't want you to break up with him for me
I want you to try it out with him, and if you do break up, I want it to be at your own accord. And if you do not break up I also want it to be at your own accord. I want you to be happy.

I want to respect your relationship. I won't ask you to leave him. This is unfair on him, you and me too. And you know I'm a man of principle.

I never really had you, though I did ever really love you.  In between sharing you with your feelings about your ex, I don't wanna be a rebound again and share you with memories of him.

So if you ever do break up, I don't want you to come running to me, though I'll probably still be waiting. I want you to take your time, I want you to think, and when you know for sure that you wanna get to know Thabang and you wanna try it out with him; I want you to call me. It won't be easy. I won't be easy (and I want you to know this cause  I'm a deeply complicated person and I tend to over think stuff). And I want you to tell me.

I don't want you to think that you can get it anytime, although maybe you could. But that would cause you to disrespect me. And I can't have that! I don't want you to think that I'm pathetically needy for you, although there were days I thought I was, I made it past those days; honey look at me! I don't want you to think I'm desperate for you, I just want you to know that I struggle to understand how people can easily give their hearts to another when they had also given it to one before. And you carry my heart cause of the words you spoke to me. 

I just want you to know that you are loved and you are a good thing.

So I don't want you to choose me cause of all the pressures, and without having had other experiences. I want you to choose me, if and when after those experiences you know for certain that I'm your best option, and that you are mine too.

Bites and marks

Every kiss has its own taste,
It may be sweet or bland.
Its the words of kindness that someone speaks to you that impact on how they taste.
If he's never showered your heart with words of kindness
Or made you laugh hysterically
You may not enjoy his bite.
But if he has, and dare you look into his eyes
Oh boy into a love trance shall you fall.
For within the eyes are the mysteries of one's heart.
And soon the complications and contractions of thine heart too