' Cause we can't expect other people, whether here & now or in the future, to be great things for us, when we are not putting in the effort to be just as beautiful and great for them ( here & now, and in the future).
For we attract beautiful things by being beautiful
For me, it is no longer enough to know why I am doing things,
Like why I am binge eating cause I am stressed, or why I'm eating wheat based products, being fully aware of the implications for someone who has celiac disease, however still doing it anyway 'cause well, "there's something going in in my life and I simply refuse to address it. "
Yey to me for getting this far and understanding WHY I do what I do. Why I 'harm' myself, and why sometimes it seems I am even sabotaging myself by being lazy & disrespectful of authority.
It doesn't interest me anymore, the why. Yes, it's tremendous progress to be able to reflect deeply and identify patterns, but for me, I think the biggest deal should be the HOW.
HOW do I become better?
HOW do I change?
HOW do I move forward to the person I've always aspired to be?
Aspirations are like big shoes and big clothes that we are growing into. That's why the HOW is so important to me. If I get stuck at the why, I'll keep making excuses for resisting growth and not doing better.
A friend I hadn't chatted to in a while recently wrote back to me following my very emotional, very reminiscent " I miss you " message, one of the biggest things he said to me was " I hope you are taking care of yourself ". A seemingly simple line in a text one may think, yet I wonder if really I am taking care of myself.
The HOW
And just like that, in one moment, my greatest love story was taken from me
Yet, cause Of your sacrifice, I know they may have stolen the book, but the timeless theme Of love remains.
I watched tonight as you left your body,
For a moment I felt myself lost in time
Your blood gushing out
My hands trying to keep you alive
And even in your last moments you were still the greatest
You assured me of your love
I now know.
You showed me your love when you took those bullets for me
When you intentionally died to save me.
I could kill you myself, you know.
You've left me here to face the pain of life without you.
8 years feel like a small breath.
Now you'll only be a story,
My kids will never meet you
Your grandchildren never know you,
If I could sell everything to have you back
My love
Your smell & smile
Your touch
How do I go on?
How do I laugh again?
How do I live?
These days I just sit here
No words,
I can't go anywhere in the world
Every place has traces of you
You are my every place
I miss you
I love you
I mourn you
It's hard to accept that I won't see yoi again, for the longest time.
Life has knocked me out Ry,
I don't know how to get up without you
Your mom is everything.
She's been so strong for us
Michelle is here.
I appreciate them.
My fam prays with me.
But nothing can heal me from your absence.
How can the one be around for a short while?
My one
My tragedy
I miss you
Your love makes me right
Not my strength
Not my might or efforts
But Your love
Year in,
Year out Lord
I experience kindness & grace
Favor unmatched
Mercy underserved
And every single time
I realise that I wanna be right
Your love
It's qualities
It's quality
Produces right in me
He's beautiful
I took his
You are beautiful
I took yours
I enjoyed yours
On a wet winter's night
A Thursday of August
A warm evening
I had your food
Sat in your space
Took your place
Danced to his tune
As I lay in his lair
I see why you love him
I can't understand how he loves you
I don't know how I got here
It was supper with a friend
Now on his lips I find mine
Fully knowing he's not mine to have
He is yours
I tasted yours
Took of bite not meant for me
In the morning I see his guilt
The lovingness of yesternight is now a form of war & aggression
I am lost
Then I understand, guilt
It has him by the neck
For me, I can't understand how I ended up a side
Even just for a moment
How I got here
Perhaps the pain of mine past
That has so set in my heart
Maketh way out for the world to see?
Perhaps the healing I thought I had is not quite there?
My wounds are still bare
Perhaps I am broken and never quite healed?
I dont know
I can't say why I am here
All I can say is this,
I am sorry.
You are beautiful
I had what's yours
Tasted what isn't mine to have
What I am into:
I sum it up into these 3: character, vision & health.
As a whole, I lead a very quiet & simple life, so I like simplicity & quietness of life in the people I go out with.
Character: I am very atrracted to kindness, man! I believe it's rooted in character. Someone who stands for something, lives beyond themselves, and is fuelled by a heart for people. The person believes they can change the world & they dare do it
Vision: I like certainty, security & comfort. So it's important to me that I meet someone who has vision. This means they should be able to articulate where they are now and where they want be, and more importantly to me, where I fit in into all of it.
Because my primary love languages are presence & words of affirmation, I am predominantly a communicator. I like to know know where I stand with someone, so often I struggle to "read" actions cause I can't distinguish whether they were done with romance or friendship in mind. I like the comfort of clarity. I therefore have preference for people that say what they want, mean what they say, and match words with actions. I've found myself in situationships where I was both wondering & wandering, and I don't like it.
Vision also speaks to someone who has the smarts to challenge my views & mannerisms with the intent to grow me. I think relationships should create a space where I can critique bae (with love) and even offer him advice about his business without him feeling any less of a man. Unfortunately, culture is that bae should be invincible. Reality is that we are a team.
Health: Not quite abs & all, but there's nothing more attractive than someone who takes care of themself, smells good, understands that health is wealth. I have lumps and bumps but I'm putting in the effort to get toned and active, and I'd enjoy someone like that. It's the effort that's beautiful, and that goes for everything, you know, the effort even when you are busy, things like remebering that I have an exam or that I am flying out of town for a bit and sending me a text to wish me well, or a surprise text during the day requiring me to smile. Effort is everything.
Yeah, this is what I normally go for
For me, there's something different & beautiful about initiating the conversation to gauge what your person wants & requires of you, it's like the FNB slogan: HOW CAN WE HELP YOU. That's the love thing, the love way.
The love experience is so much more special when you don't feel like you always have to hussle your way to get bae to do what you want, but bae creates a platform for you to whisper your needs in safety. This is so beautiful, and can be rewarding when both people ask, listen and do (within reason).
Relationships shouldn't be wholy about getting, but mostly about giving & teaming. We ought to be whole by ourselves, and more powerful together.
When we both put in the effort, a loveship will not feel laborious, instead it will just work. Effort becomes natural. Giving eases in and words are matched with actions.
We spend so much time trying to get and get, and wanting the right fit for us. Yet there's something remarkably beautiful about being to others what we want for ourselves. In this way, we are able to attract to ourselves what we really want. Because in the end, we reap what we've sown.
Kindness,' kno who u are
Kindness, it's who u are
' kno I make changes to your dial name on a reg,
Yeah u put up
Often need'a remind myself that u are not mine
Still yeah u remain
So I found a name for ya
Kindness;
Thank u for the dinners
The morning chats
Thoughtful apologies
The book & the business card
Your eagerness for adventure
For showing
Your:
Brown eyes
Beard game (so sax)
Light skin
Patience so clear
Your name is kindness
Ours is a world where everyone wants to enjoy being special to someone, but rarely does anyone ever aspire to make someone else feel special to them.
I hope I am to my friends, the hope and beauty and love, they are to me. I hope they each, indiviually feel unique & special to me.
Ever felt shame cover your spirit & heart?
Shame so thick, you could cut through it
Shame & pain
The pain of adding salt & lemon to an open wound
Yet you were in love?
It's not quite anxiety or fear
But shame
Shame of loving & the risk of not being loved back
The shame of loving just a bit more
Embarrassed by how much you care
And how much they come to mind
And how much you talk about them
Shame
So ashamed
Last night my emotions were all over the place, and it took a drive through McDs for a McFlurry to make it all better. It was THIS kind gesture by a stranger, now friend, that brought me back up. He drove out of his way, gave ear. Out of his mouth flowed honest timely wisdom & love truths. " Nothing beats communication ",he said.
When you find love, whichever type,
When you do eventually find love
Cause he walks into our lives in varying ways.
Man, grab it by all of you, love it, nurture it and enjoy it. And never let it go. 'Cause it is this love, whichever type, that will go out of his way, get you ice cream, listen. And by just being there, give you.
Thabo, friend. I celebrate you. Thank you.
We chase shadows
Missing the real thing that's here in our present hour
Why is it that we miss the people that really care and chase after those who couldn't be bothered?
Is it human nature?
Complete foolishness I'll say
Gotta stop waiting for other people to show me
I deserve it
I can give it
I'm worth it
I am love
