An encouragement to keep sowing

So earlier this evening I had a conversation with  a friend on Facebook. See below:

A few minutes later Nandi inboxed me the following:

Nandi: 

"so the love I was talking about is not the romantic love or anything like that...I've just been receiving gifts from friends...one friend in particular bought me a beautiful gold watch,a painting and took my out today...noone has ever done that for me...I hardly go out...I'm always the one hosting visitors but today I felt really appreciated for all the good things I do for other ppl...it was just humbling to see someone go out of their way to me happy...I literally cried my friend...I just cudn't help it..I got very emotional about it...u shud have seen me "

Me: "HAhahahhaha, This is so beautiful. Scripture speaks truth: Do not grow weary of doing good FOR IN DUE TIME ... aaaahh, that is so encouraging  "
" thank you for sharing "

Nandi: " I'm still speechless...I've been in Cape for more than 5 yrs my frnd...n have never been to Trenchtown in Obz for supper...hahahahaahahha ...i only go to KFC n McDonald's hhahahahaha..I guesss it's true what they say:ther's always a first time for evrything "

With the lot that goes on in our lives; to hear Nandi say this was as refreshing as a glass of ice-cold water on spring's afternoon. So encouraging! We keep giving and giving, people taking and taking. This can be very discouraging, but tonight as I read through Nandi's testimony, I remembered the scripture encouraging us not to grow weary in  doing good for IN DUE SEASON we shall reap a harvest, only if we do not grow weary. The Word is truth.

I have just had to accept that I have a ministry of love. It doesn't take much for me to care and to want to know someone better. Only I would be bothered 'cause every time I walk past Baxter Theater that artistic man (who's always roaming the streets) seems to talk to everyone except me. Oh what joy when eventually I had a conversation with him. Such a lovely soul. He even walked me to res. Only I would be excited when the res security guard recognizes and greets me. I value people. It is easy to love. I love, I trust. It is my nature. It isn't the easiest thing to  accept 'cause in a romantic relationship you always want the other person to 'love' you more, you want them to say ' I love you' first. Ironic that love has been viewed as a sign of weakness. Yet Paul said ' love is the most excellent way' and ' the greatest of these is love '. I am accepting that the 'lover' has the upper-hand and is more matured. Perhaps I should start just living out my nature. It is who I am after all.

As happy as I am for Nandi, I think I do not like being appreciated. Well, atleast not publicly. I think I would pull a Julia Roberts- 1999 Runaway bride performance. Like I did in 09. It was right after I found out I was the academic student of the year, I was so overcome with emotion that I took the award without uttering a word and made a run for it. I don't remember how I got there, but the next thing I remember was standing outside one of the teacher's cars, tears streaming down my face. Maybe I didn't want people to see? I had to always have my brave face on in high school. Loving comes more easily to me than being loved. I don't know why. It is more difficult to accept that someone can possibly love you than it is it to comprehend why you love them. I sometimes wonder why people enjoy hanging out with  me, or why they have good things to say (if they do). I don't quite get it. Maybe this is part of my journey? Maybe one day I will be able to acknowledge that I am lovable. That has kind of been the issue with God- letting His love be enough. Self-worth issues, well I think I've made tremendous progress. There was a time when I wouldn't accept gift 'cause I didn't think I was good enough. True what they say, Jesus is the expert mindset changer. These days I love me some gifts. But it still remains, I do not think I would appreciate a surprise birthday party. There's a reason I don't go big on  my birthday, there's a reason I do not host big dinner parties, I guess I'm not ready to have that spotlight on me yet. I think I am still comfortable being a guest.  I am not ready for the pressures of "speech speech". I'm still very comfortable to let my actions speak for themselves.

There's hope though. I like little things. Little things matter to me, like a letter, like a hug, like a call, like an 'I miss you, you are important to me' text. There's hope. I still have that crazy image of you outside my res, then you call me to tell me you are outside. Surprise visits. Now those I enjoy. I still go crazy thinking about you possibly insisting on visiting 'cause you miss me. I still have those crazy visions about us talking a walk on the beach around winter time, me with sandals in  my one hand and coffee in the other (though I do not like coffee much). It's the walks, the quietness of the company, the good sighs and the loud laughs. Those matter. The little things.

Don't you see? I am not that complicated. Capitec Bank got it: 'simplicity is the ultimate sophistication'.

PahPah-God twists my arm real good. He plays around with the weather and I love it.

So I am filled with  hope, though now for a while it may seem like my seeds of love produce no fruit, yet IN DUE TIME as I wait expectantly, with joy- I know that every seed has the potential of producing fruit. And it will.

Yours in growing love
T